Looking Forgiveness in the Face

They say he’s an ordinary man and yet somehow extraordinary. There’s something about the way he speaks, or is it the things he says? They say he’s nothing special to look at, but there are constantly crowds surrounding him, pressing elbow to elbow, each one striving to get a closer look. My cousin, Silas, he said that just last week while he was on his way to the well, the man walked by. Silas wasn’t afraid, or so he says, so he followed the man. Silas is ten. He likes to think he’s as tough and brave as I am, but I’m 14, a real man. Nothing frightens me in the least. Why I’d go right up to the man and question him myself. I just haven’t had the opportunity. Silas thinks the man has a demon. That’s what his father tells him. How else could he do the things he does? Heal someone who’s half dead? Give blind men their eyes back? It just doesn’t add up. No one else can do those things. I mean, one time I nursed a sick frog back to health...that is, until my little sister Mary ate it, but it just isn’t quite the same. Silas’ dad made it clear that he was to go nowhere near the man. You never know when he’ll lash out at someone, he says. Silas doesn’t always listen. So, on this particular day, he followed the man. He completely forgot about the water his mother had asked him to fetch. He kept his distance, of course, but the craziest thing happened that day.

    ~~~~~

The sun had barely peeked its head over the eastern hill with the most brilliant red sunrise. As the color faded, more puffy clouds invaded the sky, threatening to bring rain. “Wake up, Silas, there’s much to do today,” said his mom as she shook his small body. Silas crawled deeper under the covers hoping somehow she would forget he was there. “Hurry Silas, I need water to start breakfast. It won’t fetch itself!” “I’m going, I’m going,” his groggy voice barely audible from under the blanket. As he made his way to the well, nearly a half mile walk from the house, he hummed, thought about how good breakfast would taste, and then, this other thought came to mind. The thought grew and grew until Silas stopped walking without even realizing it. The previous night, he had overheard his parents’ discussion about their eldest son, Marcus. He had left home without a word and had not since returned. He and his father had not always seen eye to eye on their strict religious rituals, and it was likely Marcus had had enough. What’s worse was that a portion of the family’s savings had been missing since that day. It made sense that Marcus had taken the money, so Silas had gone along with the story. Yet, a lump formed in his throat as he once again faced the truth...he had taken it! He had stolen money from his own parents! Never mind why he had done it now. He had spent it all and had no way of returning it. It had been a mistake, a fact he now fully embraced, yet guilt bore into his very being.


Silas’ eyes looked down at the road, and he realized his feet had stopped on the dusty path. He shoved the thought aside and started again, this time at a quickened pace. He looked up at the sky and attempted to distract his mind with a weather prediction. “Rain in the afternoon,” he spoke out loud. “Sinner!” a voice thundered and nearly knocked the boy off his feet. Silas looked up in fear, afraid someone had overheard his previous thoughts and knew about the money. He turned his head and saw that nearby, at the well, the man, the demon possessed man, was approaching on a perpendicular path while another man yelled to him from the well. “You worker of the devil, you lover of sinners! Leave our well! Go serve your devil somewhere else!” As the demon-man (as Silas had come to call him) approached, the angry citizen spat at him and yelled once more. The demon-man looked up, and Silas, surprised at a lack of anger on his face, breathed in a sharp, shallow breath. The demon-man continued on toward the city without a word. Something about him drew the gaze of the boy and begged him follow. Silas, almost void of any thought of what he was doing, set down his water canister, and slowly slipped off the trail and in the direction of the city. As he raced through the fields, he decided to take the shortcut and wait for the man to arrive at the city gate. Then, he would follow him. See where he was going. Why hadn’t he spit back at the man at the well? He must be weak, Silas thought. Even I would have spit back, and I’m just ten.


His breathing slowed as he sat by a tree not far from the city gate. He squinted his eyes and could barely see the silhouette of the man rising up over the hill. He looked pretty ordinary to Silas, but he knew better than to get close. He would follow at a distance, avoid eye contact, and see what he could find out. The demon-man neared, and Silas readied for his mission. Three men now joined the man, and Silas overheard one call him Jesus. Hmm. Jesus. Like Joshua. Pretty normal name, thought Silas. And those three...they don’t seem to be concerned to be so close to him. Silas quickly rose to his feet once again and entered the gate after the men. His sudden movement and fixed gaze would have given him away in an instant, but Silas continued on, thinking no one saw that he followed.


While a few more people joined the man Jesus and his friends, he went unnoticed by many in the city as he approached the temple. He seemed so purposeful and determined, thought Silas, as he entered the dark walls and sat down to teach. He had barely said a sentence when a man, wearing a long robe, approached him. Silas thought he must be some important Jewish man, to be dressed so royally. From the doorway, the boy could not hear what the man said, but the crowd stood and followed Jesus and the man just outside. Silas scampered away from the door, and was now able to hide among those in the back of the crowd. The only boy, he stood out like a sore thumb, yet his mind was too deep in thought to notice. What was happening? Why had they come outside? And who was that woman being dragged by more men in fancy robes? She looked so...scared. They held her by the arms and took her to Jesus as her feet and legs struggled to keep up with the pace. They let go, and her body fell with a thump to the ground.


“Stone her!” some angry Jewish men shouted out. “Silence!” said the leader. With what looked like a smirk on his face, he accusingly pointed at the woman, and Silas heard him explain that she had been found with a man, not her husband. A very bad choice, thought Silas, and he began to feel less sorry for the woman. The leader once again spoke and asked Jesus what should be done with her. Silas’ eyes were now fixed on the face of Jesus. Surely, the demon-man would also want to kill the sinful woman. The crowd fell silent in anticipation, but Jesus knelt down next to the woman and put his finger into the thick dirt of the ground. What was he doing, thought the boy? He’s out of his mind! Doesn’t he know they just asked him a question. Yet Silas noticed something that few others in the crowd saw. With his finger, Jesus now drew lines and scribbles, and then, a phrase. He lifted his finger, and Silas slowly read “lust of the heart.” The men, not noticing the words, continued to press Jesus for an answer. “Should we stone her? She was caught in adultery! We cannot let her get away with this!” Jesus suddenly stood, his eyes looking sad, he asked who there had never sinned. There was silence as many in the crowd shot glances at one another to see if anyone dare speak. Jesus continued “let the man without sin throw a stone at her.” He knelt back down and continued to scribble in the dirt. Beneath “lust of the heart,” he wrote “dishonest lips.” A few older men, suddenly noticing the words, slowly slipped through the crowd and left. Jesus continued to write. “Covetousness.” Silas did not know what the word meant but imagined it was another offense committed by many, if not all, of those present. Several more men looked down and quickly left the crowd. Jesus added a couple more phrases until only Silas and a few others remained, mostly curious onlookers who had not wished harm on the woman.


Jesus stood, but the woman remained on the ground and now bowed herself before him. He spoke to her, but Silas could not hear. Without realizing it, the boy stepped closer and closer until he was right behind Jesus. He heard Jesus tell the woman that he did not condemn her and that she should go and not sin anymore. The woman lifted her head, and with tears now streaming down her face she thanked Jesus over and over as she slowly backed away and went down the road. The others who stood near quietly walked away as well, and Silas suddenly realized that he alone stood with the demon-man. Adrenaline shot through his body.


As Jesus turned to face the boy, Silas’ mind raced with thoughts, mostly that he should run, and fast, yet his body wouldn’t budge. The boy forced his eyes up and onto those of Jesus. The look he saw there surprised him, but not as much anymore. He felt peace and saw compassion in the man’s face. Jesus bent down and wrote once more in the dirt. This time the words hit home as Silas read “stealing from mom and dad.” He felt his arms and legs go numb and he wished more than anything to be back in bed with the blanket hiding everything...his face, his shame. Yet, he stood there, as still as a statue, not daring to move. Somehow this man had known even his sin. He should run. Get away. But now he wasn’t afraid. Something about the man spoke a peace stronger than anything Silas had ever felt, and so he stayed. Jesus looked up, but not to the boy. He looked past him to the dark clouds now looming overhead. And slowly, almost majestically, it began to rain. Jesus looked back down to the words, and Silas followed his gaze. The words disappeared as drop after drop hit the ground. “Forgiven.” His voice was soft as he spoke to the boy. “You, Silas,” said the man, his eyes now boring into the boy’s “are forgiven.” Silas felt a weight fall off his shoulders as if he’d been carrying a heavy load on a long trip. In that moment, the world faded away, and it was just Silas and the man. The demon-man...or maybe now he would just call him Jesus.